Random ish to do in the limbo hours of a Friday

Aah another Friday. Well I thought I’d pick it up where we left off with the randomness that comes with a Friday. I like to be unique but like most people, I like my Fridays like I like lemonade that cool refreshing drink on a blissful sunny day. Wow what an analogy or do I just have waaaay too much crack (tee hee crack)?

Anyways back to Fridays. You see most people look forward to their Fridays as it marks the beginning and the end, similar to a nice meal. The end of your hunger and the beginning of a momentary everlasting euphoria. Wow the horse crack is really kicking in!

Speaking of crack, here are some more after 3pm words that become naughty: spread, crack, rear, harass, thick, salami

Okay okay I digress!!!

You ever notice that there is a period in time before the euphoria of the weekend kicks in? The period of time where there is nothing happening but the looking forward to something happening? It is the time immediately after work to the journey home to the time following dinner to the expecting company or plans to begin regarding Freaky Fridays. It usually consists of a couple of hours and this is where you are in a limbo stage with nothing to do.

Well here are some ideas of ways to kill that limbo period. Some of these also help in getting through the 3pm funk on a Friday:

• Go see an early show of a movie. As soon as it starts, stand up in front of the room and declare “I’m going to get some popcorn, anybody need anything?”
• If in a cubicle, fill a squeeze bottle, squirt it into a mug then refill. Time how long it takes for the first neighbor to go to the washroom.
• Go shopping, buy a shirt that is almost identical to the uniform the store staff across the hall wears. Immediately put it on, disrobe at the cash if possible. Walk across the hall and start giving people advise on their shopping.
• Call people you know are still working to discuss how tough it is not to have anything to do at the moment.
• Start a conversation with someone using only the lines from a song or the titles of songs throughout the whole conversation
• If you happen to be in a meeting after 3pm on a Friday (which is just WRONG), mutter that’s exactly they want us to do.
• If in a meeting post 3pm, hold your hands in a praying manner. If queried, tell them you are praying no one will notice how much you want the meeting to be over
• Start a random standing ovation for any donkey that just got off the phone if they were using it on the bus or other public area.
• Inter-office mail yourself something and postmark it for the next week Friday
• Take a walk through the office or mall with your fly wide open and your hands on your sides with a huge grin on your face
• Walk backwards past coworkers' offices often

Random Tangents Part IV

• I dare you not to think of a penguin
• B: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
  P: I think so, Brain, but where are we going to find a duck and a hose at this hour?
  
• Seth McFarlane must be reading my blogs because a few weeks later, there was an episode where Bill Clinton does some…”convincing.” Even Peter gets convinced.
  
• Jack Bauer is STILL gangsta!
  
• Who the hell cares which celebrities are in and out of rehab? Does it change your life in the least bit? If you answered yes, you need to get your ass beat.
  
• You have no idea how much money goes through Vegas on a Friday alone.
• It is virtually impossible to picture the queen taking a dookie
• This? It’s my package, UPS delivered and I signed for it.
• Is Nelly Furtado hot or damn hot? Talk amongst yourselves.
• 82% of women ages 23-36 voted Nelly Furtado as the celebrity they would definitely make-out with.
• I made up 100% of the previous fact.
• 98% of you are now thinking of making out with Nelly Furtado.
• Eva Mendes glistening is just too much for a man to handle -watch GhostRider and you will understand my statement.
• Happy summer time mutha%@#s

Words that sound naughty after 3pm on a Friday

Well it’s Friday and approaching the mind checkout hour so I thought I would help you kill the last lil bit of the day at work. A lot of people tend to relax and be business focused during the week and get naughty on the weekend.

Now this is where the Freudian Slip overlap exists. Seeing a lot of minds checkout for the weekend at about this time, it is pointless to have meetings anytime after 3pm on a Friday because you start to get giddy. Giddy like a school girl going to a Justin Timberlake concert, hell half you women still get giddy like that.

Okay okay back on track! What I am trying to say is that if you have a meeting after 3pm on a Friday, there will be giggles because your mind would have already switched into weekend mode and words and phrases that you would not have flinched at on a Tuesday morning elicit the most random reactions on a Friday afternoon. Words that seemed harmless at the beginning of the week now sound naughty.

Words that just sound naughty:

• Orifice
• Aural
• Odor
• Package
• Junk
• Funk
• Pleasure
• Mad Cow
• Winch (not wench)
• Snatch (the Olympic term)
• Coxswain
• Spread
• Unit
• Reciprocate
• Duck
• Blue
• Hardened
• Johnson
• Swap

So many more, be creative try using them in a conversation in your next 3pm meeting.

That's Enough Charmin!

I know I know, I went delinquent for a week. I have a good excuse though...my iPod died and it acts as my mobile harddrive. Well we are back in bizniz biznatch!

So I remember hearing this joke way back in the day –ala Eddie Murphy Raw.

A bear and a rabbit are taking a dookie in the woods.

The bear looks down and says “aw crap [no pun intended], excuse me Mr. Rabbit, but do you ever have problems with doo doo sticking to your fur?”

“Why no not at all Mr. Bear.”

So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his backside with him.

Well my tangent here is about those damn charmin and cashmere toilet paper commercials that are on every five seconds showing an effing bear taking a crap in the woods!

Two, if you did, did the bear look for charmin by name to wipe his backside

or he just used the tree and wiggled off the excess?

Seriously! If you are going to use imagery to convey a message, make the t-p out as soft cute lil bunnies and have the bear grab him by the ears and do his business! That would be more realistic. I mean come on, this commercial is just plum dumb!

And another thing!
Who the hell wants to wipe their backside with expensive material?

Last I checked, I don’t remember going, “hmm, two-ply is great and all but what can really do the job is a nice soft sweater. Come to think of it, lemme take of my nice cashmere sweater and wipe my backside making sure I use the chest area of the sweater in a stripy motion so that it matches the stripes on my sweater and the corn can be lil buttons or snacks for later!”
–too graphic? That’s the idea stupid bears, swans and cashmere aka cottonelle or whatever you are calling your selves these days you son of a b*tch!